This morning I went for a run/walk in the patch of woods across from my house.  I was blown away by the way that the Father has created this world.  I ended up stopping and staring and eventually crying at the fields of purple wild flowers(most people would call them weeds) and and wild black eyed susans.  I know it sounds crazy that I'd end up crying over a bunch of flowers, but I felt near to the Father in a way that my heart has been searching for in the last few weeks.  It was like the dam finally broke over all of the emotions and thoughts running around in my head in the last month and a half. 

This past week has been particularly hard.  I finished my grad classes which was a feat in itself.  Harder still was going home.  Don't get me wrong, home is great, but it is hard when people around me expect me to be something I'm not.  I long for "home" and yet home doesn't fit.  Yet increasingly when I'm in Beijing, that home doesn't fit either.   

So when I just stood there and stared at the flowers, I kept thinking, maybe I'm not supposed to ever feel like this is home, yet the Father still gives us gifts like whole fields of wildflowers to enjoy in the meantime.  I guess that is what Paul means when he says that our only home is in heaven, and we are already citizens here on earth.  Maybe that is why my heart just cries out and wants nothing more than to be 'home'.  My heart is at peace with the Father, and resting in the fact that he has a home in my heart, and that I can trust him to do immeasurably more than I can ever imagine.